


Of Course It's Fate

by apidologist



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: (if you like), Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hypnotism, Magic, Romance, palmistry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 06:04:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10961226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apidologist/pseuds/apidologist
Summary: "When Todd agreed to be involved in his agency, he probably wasn’t anticipating all the sitting around, the waiting, the boredom - things to which Dirk had grown all too accustomed in the past decade of not particularly successful detective work. There must be something else I’m good at, Dirk thought, something else I can do that makes his eyes light up like that."Dirk worries that Todd will lose interest in being a Detective's Assistant and contrives all sorts of ways to show off his many talents. Everything's going very well (at least, until Todd is inadvertently hypnotized).





	Of Course It's Fate

**Author's Note:**

> For the Dirk Gently Beginner Big Bang! With accompanying artwork by the fantastic [aspacenerd](http://aspacenerd.tumblr.com), which you can find and show your love for [here](http://aspacenerd.tumblr.com/post/160905791362/lets-begin-one-dirk-started-and-todd-echoed)!

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency was finally up and running. Well, up and walking. Well, up. Ish. Suffice it to say that business was slow, and considering what a whirlwind their first case together was, Dirk worried that Todd would quickly grow tired of working with him. After all, not _every_ case could be brimming with body-swapping cultists, time travel, and death mazes, and he couldn’t _always_ get Todd to look at him like he was...not brilliant, exactly, but something. Something to believe in. Part of something bigger than himself.

He watched Todd refresh the agency’s email, check his messages, rifle through the mail (bills, catalogues, pizza vouchers, and...bills), and look to Dirk with a shrug and a sigh before curling back up with his laptop and headphones.

The whole situation was less than ideal, and this resulted in much distress on Dirk’s part. When Todd agreed to be involved in his agency, he probably wasn’t anticipating all the sitting around, the waiting, the boredom - things to which Dirk had grown all too accustomed in the past decade of not particularly successful detective work. _There must be something else I’m good at_ , Dirk thought, _something else I can do that makes his eyes light up like that_.

He looked down at his hands, fidgeting on Todd’s desktop, and back to Todd, propped up in the far corner of his bed and yawning through another half-hearted Netflix binge. _Hm_ , he thought. _I suppose it’s worth a try_.

Dirk approached the edge of Todd’s bed and waved a little to get his attention.

“Yeah?” grunted Todd, removing an earphone. “Got anything?”

“No, nothing,” he said, with an attempt at an optimistic smile. “Just wanted some company. May I…?” Dirk gestured at the space next to Todd.

“Uh, fine.” Todd closed down his laptop, knowing that ‘company’ for Dirk was less about spending time in proximity to another person, and more about having someone to listen to him talk. Maybe he could get a quick nap in without him noticing.

“Fantastic!” Dirk jumped in, spent an inordinate amount of time fluffing one of Todd’s pillows for maximum comfiness, and settled back with a bright smile.

“I’m sure your own bed isn’t any less comfortable,” Todd said pointedly. “Y’know, the one in your apartment? The one that isn’t my couch - which, by the way, I know you’re only pretending to pass out on all the time so I don’t make you go back to your place.”

“Well, _I’m_ sure that’s neither here nor there. Hey, can I see that?”

Todd looked down at his empty hands to see what Dirk was gesturing at, and looked back up with a frown. “What are you--”

Dirk swiftly clasped Todd’s right hand between both of his own, to which Todd responded with a justifiably confused, if a little high-pitched, “ _Um?_ ”

“Oh, relax, Todd, I can assure you there is nothing untoward going on here.” (He ruined this assertion by winking, untowardly.) “Let me see your palm.”

“What the hell,” Todd began, but Dirk had already unfurled Todd’s fingers and begun tracing the lines on his hand with a careful fingertip.

Dirk gasped.

“What is it?” Todd peered over at his own hand. “Ugh, nevermind. You realize I think this stuff is bullshit, right?”

“Oh, absolutely! I’d completely agree, if not for the fact that I’m never wrong.”

Dirk continued to methodically brush over the main lines of Todd’s hands, head, heart, life, fate, over and over, so that Todd had some difficulty finding his words. “Uh, Dirk, you’re wrong _most_ of the time. It’s kinda your thing.”

“But what would you say if I told you that...you will be going on a long journey soon, possibly overseas, someone from your past who was close to you will come back into your life, and apparently,” he dangled Todd’s entire hand by the little finger, “you will become romantically involved before the year is out. How interesting! Also, you’re going to win the lottery again, you lucky man,” he shook his head, jabbing a particular place where two lines intersected.

Todd leaned over to examine his own hand again, this time, so he was informed, with the gift of foresight. He looked back up at Dirk. “Nah, still bullshit,” he shrugged. “And some wishful thinking thrown in. Nice try, but I’m not a gullible old lady, and you’re not a fortune teller with a crystal ball.”

“That’s what you think,” Dirk winked. “But it was only a temporary thing after university, I couldn’t get a job because of - well,” he hesitated, “because I studied philosophy,” he covered with a laugh.

“Ha, tell me about it,” said Todd. “I didn’t even graduate.”

Dirk shot him an awkward grin, and Todd didn’t press the subject.

“So,” Todd tried, “any other special skills you’ve been keeping from me? Or how about any pictures of you with hoop earrings and a tent?”

“Sadly, there is no photographic evidence of that dark time in my life. The universe and I made double sure of that.”

“Too bad,” smiled Todd. “Uh...are you done with that?” He nodded down at his hand, now resting innocently in Dirk’s lap.

“Oh! Yes, of course!” He hastened to return the hand to its rightful owner.

Todd looked away from Dirk, eyes caught by the late morning light streaming through his window and warming the room. Dirk blew at the dust motes which seemed to suddenly fill the air. “Hey, Dirk - y’know, you don’t - I’m not trying to get you to - you don’t have to tell me--”

Dirk interrupted, repeating his name until he stopped trying to form a sentence: “Todd. Todd. _Todd._ ”

They were both silent for a few long moments.

“What about this?” Dirk pointed at Todd’s laptop.

“What about what?”

Dirk pointed at a small string, or maybe it was more of a ribbon, which stuck out from under the laptop lid like a snake’s tongue. “I guess it’s caught in there or something, see if you can get it.”

Todd narrowed his eyes, but nevertheless humored his friend, and pulled lightly at the ribbon, whereupon a pink flag, then a purple one, then another pink one emerged as if pulled straight out of a particularly ugly piece of clipart, until his arms were full of yards and yards of bunting. He laughed, delighted, and Dirk’s face lit up at the sound of it.

“Oh my God, when did you put that in there? Where the hell did that even come from?”

Dirk’s mouth turned up at one corner. “I didn’t put it there, silly, it’s _magic_.”

“Right, okay, that answers _that_ , then. So you’re a sleight-of-hand expert, too?”

“Certainly not!” Dirk raised his eyebrows. “I could never learn it, I was far too clumsy. Had to settle for _real_ magic, which is often less impressive and takes a lot less skill.”

Todd was amused, but couldn’t work it out. He nudged Dirk’s shoulder with his own. “You’ll never stop surprising me.”

“Oh, I don’t plan to!” said Dirk.

“Good,” said Todd, quietly.

“But...I shouldn’t give away all my secrets at once.”

“That’s fine, Dirk. If you told me every weird thing about you my head would explode.”

“A bit at a time, then? To help you process my many talents?”

Todd laughed again, and Dirk felt that he had succeeded. Maybe he’d be able to keep it up all day - but maybe, on second thought, he wouldn’t have to.

“Todd?”

“Huh?”

Dirk jumped up onto his knees. “Let’s go for a walk. Clear our heads, enjoy the weather...and if a case doesn’t want to come to us, we’ll just have to see if we can find one ourselves.”

Looking skeptical, Todd asked, “Is this like...a _feeling_? Or are you bored and trying to avoid work again?”

“Bored is a feeling!” Dirk stepped off of the bed and reached to help Todd up with him. “Look, do you see this?” He pointed to his own hand, to a place where one of the feathery lines of his palm intertwined in a double helix.

“Yeah,” Todd grunted, doubtfully.

“It says you’ll come with me.” As always when starting a case, or potential case, as this one happened to be, Dirk felt a twinge of fear that he might have to go it alone. He had done it before, of course, but now that Todd was such a fixture in his agency and his life, he worried that he might not be able to cope as he once more or less could without Todd’s presence by his side. He shifted from foot to foot, waiting for Todd to retrieve something from under his bed.

Todd emerged with a pair of well-worn sneakers, brushed a bit of fluff out of his hair, and shrugged. “I mean, you said your palm readings were never wrong.”

“Well,” said Dirk, bouncing towards the door with energetic relief and trying not to let his grin show too much, “I’m always almost completely not-wrong, which is very similar. C’mon, Todd, we have to hurry! It might not exist yet, but still - this is one you _definitely_ won’t want to miss!”

***

Dirk fumbled with his keys, accidentally pressing the alarm button more than once. Todd plucked the keys out of his hands and pocketed them as they came down the steps of their apartment complex.

“I thought we were going on a walk.”

“We are! But we have to drive there first.”

Todd winced, his customary reaction to the combination of cars and Dirk Gently, and quickly said he’d drive, rounding the jeep and climbing in before Dirk could argue.

“Ooh, I call shotgun!” He hopped into the passenger’s seat and smiled brightly as he clicked the seatbelt into place.

“There’s no one else here!”

“Oh, am I saying that wrong?”

Todd rolled his eyes, and then rolled them again to make sure Dirk witnessed his exasperation.

“Okay, where are we going?”

“Er, how about…” he pretended, unconvincingly, not to have a place in mind, “Discovery Park?”

“There’s going to come a very disappointing time when you stop discovering things there, Dirk.”

“Well, so far it’s been aptly named. Remember when we found--”

“It was more like _you_ found it, then lost it, then I didn’t believe you.”

“It definitely happened and it was absolutely amazing. What are you waiting for?”

Todd sighed and turned the key in the ignition.

***

They stepped outside and locked up the car. It was a perfect day to be outdoors, and as Todd was no longer staring at his empty inbox with the curtains drawn and nothing to preoccupy him, he really couldn’t complain if anything odd started cropping up around them, or around Dirk, at least. They approached the boundary of the park, which split into about a dozen paths leading through or around the main forested area.

Dirk looked at the paths and smiled at Todd meaningfully.

“Ugh, not this again. Seriously?”

“Pleeeeease?”

“You’re a ridiculous,” Todd stepped forward, “overgrown,” he grabbed Dirk’s shoulders, “ _child!_ ” He spun him around, and kept spinning him by the shoulders until he was thoroughly dizzy and Todd was laughing despite himself.

“Whew!” Dirk shook his head and tried to make sense of the whirling landscape before him. “That one, for certain,” he pointed straight ahead of him and wobbled off to one side.

“If you say so,” said Todd, following behind.

They walked down the chosen path into the woods for about a mile, Dirk keeping an eye out for anything interesting, clues to mysteries that didn’t exist yet. Before Todd knew him very well, he thought Dirk probably never shut up and would’ve guessed he even talked in his sleep. In reality, though, he sometimes liked to be completely silent for hours on end, like he needed to wind himself up again. He stopped to hold out his hand and watch the sun make kaleidoscope patterns on his skin through the shifting canopy of leaves. He stopped to touch moss on trees and stopped to listen to birds as they passed by, doing different chirps and tweets and songs. He stopped so much that Todd nearly always lost him at least once when they walked places together - “You shouldn’t mock my bright jackets so much, then,” Dirk had said when Todd mentioned this in frustration.

Todd knelt down for a moment to get some water and a snack out of his backpack (they kept one well-stocked in the jeep at all times, these days, which had saved them more than once in their adventures), and in that moment Dirk had, according to his custom, disappeared off the main trail.

 _Oh, Christ_ , thought Todd. He found him reasonably quickly - he was only hidden behind a tree, retying his shoes, which were, of course, completely ill-suited to a walk in the woods. They continued on the rougher, narrower trail, which eventually opened out into a small clearing. Dirk lifted a branch out of the way and took a step into the center of it.

“Oh!” Dirk jumped back. “That’s probably not just a weird dog, right?” he said in an undertone over his shoulder, keeping an eye on the thing in front of him.

Todd peeked around Dirk to see ahead of him on the trail. “Coyote,” he said, trying to remember what he was told as a kid on field days to national parks. “Uh, shit.”

“Don’t you know what to do?”

“Hey!” Todd shouted. “ _Hey!_ Fuck off!” he tried, stepping forward and waving his arms to make himself look bigger. The coyote stood its ground, growling and bristling.

“‘Fuck off’? Is that the best you can do?” Dirk whispered, bouncing on his toes. “Look, Todd, it’s hurt, don’t be so mean to it!” One of its forelegs was matted with blood from shoulder to elbow, and in between its barks and growls, it whined in pain.

“What do _you_ think we should do?”

“It’s okay, er, maybe I can - I’ve got this! I think. It’s been a while, but I’ll try.”

“What are you _talking_ about?”

The coyote let out a howl which gave both of them goosebumps. Dirk fell to his knees and Todd followed, despite thinking that whatever Dirk was doing was a really bad idea and would probably result in more rabies shots for the both of them. Why were there always so many strange and hostile animals involved in their cases? A question for another time, perhaps.

Dirk had been rummaging in his jacket pocket and had managed to find what appeared to be a cashew. The coyote stared at it hungrily, and limped forward.

“ _Dirk,_ ” Todd hissed.

“Shhh,” he replied, at much to Todd as to the coyote. “Watch this, doggie,” he said in a much softer voice. He held the cashew high over the coyote’s head, and counted down from five, waving his hand in a wide arc from side to side. When he got to one, and the coyote was tensed as if to snatch the food out of his hand, he threw the cashew high into the air and snapped both of his fingers right in front of the animal’s nose.

Its eyes stopped following the treat in the air and locked with Dirk’s. To Todd, time suddenly seemed to pass very slowly. It felt like a full minute before the cashew hit the ground again. Neither Dirk nor the coyote took any notice of it.

“Alright, now,” he said in the same soft voice, “you’re going to close your eyes and every time I stroke your head, you will feel more relaxed and all your pain will slowly ebb away.” The coyote sat back on its haunches, eyes closed, tongue lolling on one side.  Dirk petted its head with one hand, whispering all the while as if to a cute little dog and not a wild thing in the woods. “Good boy! Aren’t you a lovely boy!”

Todd frowned. “This is so weird,” he tried to say, but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, and his lips couldn’t form the words, so he just thought it really hard. Dirk’s other hand reached back and patted Todd’s thigh, which made him feel kind of...sleepy, of all things.

Dirk continued to pet the coyote’s head, and eventually, it lay down on its uninjured side and breathed deeply. “Good boy, you have a nice little rest. We’re going to pick you up and carry you, and then when I snap my fingers, you’ll awaken in the capable hands of a park ranger who will take good care of you and get someone to fix up your leg. And you’re going to be very nice and not bite me or Todd or anyone else on the way,” he added as an afterthought.

He paused, making sure it wouldn’t awaken as soon as he tried to move it. Birds chirped and sunlight streamed through the trees.

“That went well!” said Dirk, turning back to Todd, whose eyes were unfocused as if in a trance. “Oh. Maybe too well, actually.”

Todd felt very strange indeed. He could see Dirk was talking to him, and could hear what he was saying, but couldn’t bring himself to react in any way. Occasionally when he had pararibulitis attacks he felt like he couldn’t move, but that was terrifying, and this was the most relaxed he’d ever felt - he wasn’t exactly asleep, but he didn’t want to wake up either.

“Todd? Todd? _Todd?!_ ”

Nothing.

He tried to remove all panic from his voice. “You will nod your head if you can hear me.”

He nodded his head. _So, not an attack_ , Dirk thought, _but surely he isn’t as susceptible to hypnotism as the coyote!_ He couldn’t literally snap him out of it, or the animal would wake up as well, and they wouldn’t be able to transport it. He scooted to face Todd so that they were knee to knee, and held out his hands, palms up.

“Take my hands and look me in the eyes, Todd. We’re going to count from one to ten together, and at each number you’ll feel more and more awake until you regain full consciousness and control at number ten. Ready?”

Todd nodded again.

“Let’s begin. One,” Dirk started, and Todd echoed faintly. “Two,” he swayed their hands to keep a steady rhythm. They worked up to ten, whereupon Todd blinked at him confusedly, looked at their joined hands, looked at the coyote, and looked back up at Dirk.

“What the hell? Seriously,” he stood up, breaking the contact between them, “what. The. _Hell_.”

Dirk stood with him. “Todd, it’s alright. Do you remember what happened?”

“Just up to when we saw - is it alive?”

“Yes, just sleeping. Or, in a trance. I was quite good at hypnotism at one time - just another silly thing I did for cash, really, and to help interview my clients, sometimes. I thought it would be the best way to calm this creature down and get it somewhere to have its leg fixed.”

“You hypnotized the coyote? Then what happened to me?”

“You got...a bit...secondhand hypnotized.”

Todd’s voice went up an octave. “ _Is that a thing?!_ ”

“I didn’t realize it would happen, obviously. I thought you were more resistant. Of course, when someone doesn’t want to be hypnotized, it just won’t work, no matter what techniques you use.”

Todd looked angry, and Dirk quickly added, “I’m sorry, Todd, honestly, I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known it would affect you.”

Todd pressed his palms into his eyes and heaved a deep sigh. “So, what are we supposed to carry this thing in?”

“Remember when I took the towel out of your bathroom on the way out and put it in the backpack and you said ‘What’s that for?’ Turns out this is what it’s for.”

Making a noise of frustration, Todd reached into the backpack beside him and pulled out the towel. He spread it out on the ground next to the coyote, gently rolled it over onto its other side, and tied up the corners of the towel so it couldn’t escape even if it did come out of its trance.

Dirk stepped forward and placed a hand on Todd’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean--”

Todd cut him off. “Let’s go, okay? Let’s just do this and then we can talk.” He lifted the bundle into his arms and set off down the trail.

And Dirk followed, hanging his head.

***

They sat on a bench, facing the Sound and watching the gulls with a cool breeze in their hair. Todd leaned forward and stared ahead with his elbows on his knees, so Dirk could sort of watch his expressions and try to figure out what he was thinking without being noticed. Not that he was very good at interpreting that sort of thing.

“Er, Todd, I wanted to say - to make sure you knew I would never have done anything like that to you on purpose.” He moved as close as he dared to Todd on the bench, as close as they could be without touching. “It’s terrifying. When people get that close to your mind, when it’s the last thing you want. When you thought you had one last defense, and it turns out it was the weakest. And it feels like nothing belongs to you - not even your mind - and everyone, everything, only ever using and taking--”

Todd met his eyes and quieted him with a light hand on his forearm. “Dirk.”

Dirk’s speech stuttered to a halt. He looked down, quickly rubbing a tear from his eye before it could fall.

“I know you wouldn’t do that. I know you don’t want to hurt your friends. I’m not blaming you for what happened.” He started to remove his hand, unsure if the contact was wanted, but Dirk covered Todd’s hand with his own.

“The reason it bothered me so much, I guess, is because it made me want to ask you for help.”

Dirk wrinkled his nose. “Oh. You _do_ hate that.”

“I mean - it was - it felt _nice_. Is that like, normal?”

“Well, it’d be more normal if it was tailored to you and not a coyote.”

“Shut up!” Todd laughed despite himself, which brought a small smile back to Dirk’s face.

“But what do you want help with?”

“Oh,” Todd’s eyebrows drew together again, “it made me think - okay, I get that it’s not perfect, obviously I don’t have any idea how hypnotism works, but if you can make me feel like that, where everything disappears except your voice, maybe you can…?”

It took Dirk a moment, but he understood. “For your pararibulitis. You want me to snap my fingers and make it go away.”

“Well - yeah, of course I do. Yeah.”

“It goes without saying that there are no guarantees in any of this. There are a lot of elements involved, the disease isn’t just psychological - like, I can’t change what’s happening neurologically. If it worked, it still wouldn’t _fix_ anything.”

“I get it.”

Dirk nodded, and they both looked out across the Sound again. “I didn’t realize you would - no,” he whispered to the breeze, “nevermind, that’s stupid.”

Todd nudged his shoulder. “What?”

“You’d really trust me? When it’s something _that_ important?”

“Um...yeah. _Because_ it’s that important.”

“Oh.”

“Also, Dirk, just so you know, I’m not gonna get bored of you any time soon.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“Hunch?”

Dirk didn’t look convinced.

“Ha, does that only work when you say it? Look, I just mean you don’t have to pull a bunch of flowers out of your sleeve to get me to stick around. God knows you’re interesting enough already.”

Dirk’s face fell. “Nuts,” he grumbled, manifesting a wildflower bouquet seemingly from nowhere, “you ruined the surprise!”

Todd burst into laughter, head falling between his knees as he tried to catch his breath. Dirk patted his back, concerned. Eventually, getting himself together, he sat up and graciously accepted the bouquet. “They’re...great, Dirk.”

He scoffed. “I know that, Todd, I conjured them myself.”

“The point is,” said Todd, breaking a daisy from its stem, “you don’t have to worry.” He placed the flower behind Dirk’s ear. “Whether or not it’s fate,” he said, accentuating the daisy with a few Oregon grape blossoms, “I’m right here.” He added a final sprig of lavender, then paused to admire the arrangement.

“Of course it’s fate, it said so on your palm. But thank you, Todd.” His smile got the better of him, grateful, relieved, almost shy. He put a little bunch of daisies in Todd’s shirt pocket and stood up, offering his hand. “Alright, let’s get you home. You smell like coyote.”


End file.
